Too bad to stay, too good to leave

A few weeks ago we had an 'away-day' at work where plans for the next five years in the department were discussed. Not that those discussions will actually lead to anything. The department is not a democracy, as the boss made absolutely clear that day. He was just sounding out opinion, ready to ignore it.

Which makes it worse.

Having a boss whose style is dictatorial (to say the least!) is one thing. Having a boss who makes you think that you have a say, but then makes it perfectly evident that you don't, just defeats me.

There was a room with some extremely intelligent, highly experienced people in it, with years of knowledge and sense but whose opinion and advice will be ignored unless it happens to chime with his. I can hardly bear it.

As I have said in my original post, I have stumbled through life to get here. There was no ‘grand plan’ leading me into a life of academia, just a blundering stagger from school to degree to PhD to job to here. Right now, I feel like my job is too bad to stay in, but too good to leave. There are some real delights in my work – the interaction with the students being a prime example – but there are quite a lot of negatives too. The pay is good, but I am not a very money-driven woman and live quite frugally in all honesty so that’s not keeping me here.

What’s keeping me here, I realise, are fear and laziness. The fear of branching out into something new (and not doing well at it) which allows my laziness about doing something about my life to survive unhindered.

At the moment I am also in a complete slump and my get-up-and-go has got up and gone. I know some of that’s because of the recent family death and the not so relaxing holiday, but I know I need to shake myself awake and make something happen. Life does not appear on silver platters, it would seem.

Any advice?

Productivity crash... How do I get back on track?

It's been a hellish month, frankly.
At the very end of May, my mother-in-law died suddenly, but very peacefully. It was 'expected' in some ways - she was only a few days off 89 - but not quite then if you know what I mean. Families being families, the funeral was horrendously stressful and my DH coped admirably with a tough time.
Timing sucking all round, I went to Malawi the morning after the funeral, for 10 days, with limited communication between me and DH possible.
Then we went on holiday and what we really needed was a quiet, peaceful, get-away-from-stress fortnight, with lots of walking and fresh air.
What we got was the car breaking down on the first Monday, a bill for £750 when we got it back on the Friday, the car going back to the garage on the following Monday as they had damaged other bits during the initial repair, another week in a hire car and the return of our car on the second (final) Friday with another bill for £350.
You know your holiday is going badly when you're desperate to go home!

Anyway, back to the topic in hand...

When I say 'productivity crash' that's a bit misleading. I was as productive as anything helping to organise the funeral, going to Malawi, working in Malawi etc. We've even been fairly productive since we came back - sorting out the garden from jungle to 'a bit untidy' and buying a new car and so on...
But my peresonal productivity - my progress on my goals and plans - has shrivelled to absolute zilch.
I know that some of this is post-'holiday' slow-down and a lot of it is because my desk at home currently looks like a bomb-site after it became a dumping-ground before we went away.
But also my motivation has dried up.
I have a load of editing to do. I have a ton of work for Chimwemwe to do. I have what feels like a zillion minor things to do (organise a haircut; buy stamps; tidy up etc) that normally I would blast through, but instead I am in a bit of a slump.

Any advice on how to pull myself out?

Here I am...

... and with no followers (yet), but hopefully this will change!

For the last few years I have felt 'at sea' professionally. I have a well-paid job (academic), I think my peers and my students like and respect me and I shouldn't really complain.

And yet...

It's just not working for me. I have to confess to having stumbled through my 'career' and I never really took enough notice of where I was being led.

I realised the other day, when I was asked to write a mini biog for work, that when it came to 'what do you hope/expect to be doing in the future' that all I could think of writing was:
I expect to be doing the same job for the next 14 years but I hope to have left before then.

Not the most enthusiastic statement!

So, I guess this blog is about where I could go as well as about where I am.